Overcoming The Sorrow…Day 28 – Between The First Date And Courtship

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Two Keys To Keep Your Joy Between the First Date and Courtship

 

1. Stay Grounded

First dates are very exciting. You’re taking your first steps towards courtship. Even if the date is with someone you’ve known before, you’re excited to know them in a new way.

The temptation will be there to soar to cloud nine and think of names for your first five children. But let me encourage you to stay grounded. If this is going to be the love that you’ve been waiting for, let it happen spiritually and naturally. It will keep expectations reasonable and spare you unnecessary sorrow.

God has written your love story and wants you to enjoy every aspect of it.

Just like a novel there will be characters that play major and minor roles in our lives. Not everyone you meet is The One. Keep your feet on the ground until God says it’s time to fly.

first date2. Relax

When you prepare for your first initial dates, you may have a few butterflies in the belly. But do not let a little nervousness turn into anxiety. Tension can run high with worry if we allow it. Is he the one? Will he like me? How will I know how he feels?

I heard a story about a couple who went to an amusement park. Before their date she wanted to add some extensions to her hair so she would be as beautiful as possible.

They were having fun on the rides, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company. As they went downward on a roller coaster, they were both screaming and laughing. Then all of a sudden he wasn’t laughing anymore.

Half of her fake hair was coming loose from her head. After the ride she just knew he would never want to see her again. He looked at her, and then at the hair that was barely hanging from her real hair. He smiled and told her to get rid of it, she didn’t need it.

She removed the hair and they had an incredible date.

Don’t have anxiety over what you will wear or how you will get him to like you. Just be yourself and trust that God’s hands are upon you. Let Jacob and Rachel, and Ruth and Boaz reassure you that God knows how to bring couples together.

So relax and stay grounded in the season between the first date and courtship. It can be a very enjoyable and memorable time when you’re trusting in the Lord.

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3 comments for “Overcoming The Sorrow…Day 28 – Between The First Date And Courtship

  1. Yasmine
    January 31, 2014 at 1:08 am

    Great post Candra! I’m glad you wrote on this topic because I have a question for you (and your readers) on this matter that’s been bothering me as of late…I wonder if others can relate. I live in a world (and city) where the majority of guys I meet are outside of church. I’ve come to a point where I honestly don’t want to go out on even a first date with a non-believer because I know from past experience (several years ago) the myriad of issues that arise from this from the get-go.

    That said, for those of us who meet a guy at a work function or work-related conference, a friend’s or a colleague’s birthday party, or a BBQ or dinner party that an acquaintance invited us to, how do you gently and respectfully determine a whether a guy – who approaches you for a chat and then asks you out – believes in God or does not believe in God within the first 15, 30 or 60 minutes of a conversation? The thing is, for example, if I attend a dinner party at a friend’s house (or acquaintance), it doesn’t mean that all their friends are believers. So a random guy can come up to me at a dinner party, strike up a chat and ask me out right on the spot before I can ask my friend “Is your friend John a believer?”

    I ask this question because the idea of going on that first date with a stranger (who may or may not be a believer) makes me very uncomfortable at this point in my mid-thirties (soon to be late thirties). I feel in many ways it is a waste of time on my part and for the guy as well (again, I say this from past experience). And the men at the church I attend generally as an unspoken rule do not ask out the women (I’ve heard there are many churches like this), so I’m left with meeting men through random situations which is a little scary. I don’t have a “Believer Radar” so what’s a gal to do in this day and age?

    Do you go out on the first date and start asking personal questions about beliefs/values to the stranger you meet – be it a friend of a friend’s, a friend’s acquaintance, or someone at a work conference or business networking seminar – by carefully trying not to scare them off? Or, do you decline a first date offer right on the spot because you felt it was too awkward to ask that stranger, “So do you believe in God?” within the first 5 or 20 minutes of meeting. Curious to hear your thoughts and that of others. Thank you!

    • February 1, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      Greats thoughts and questions Yasmine. I will give my answer in more detail in an actual post. So’s here’s my short answer. :)

      Before addressing your questions there are some things that must be considered. Not all “believers” are the same. You may have two men proclaim to be believers but the details of their belief may be completely different. You may have one that has been regenerated, Spirit filled, and has a passionate relationship with God… While the other practices a more casual faith in God…he’s a church goer but only somewhat tries to walk in the Spirit.

      So first we all have to address which type of man are we looking for.

      For me, I wanted a courtship with someone that ate, slept, and breathed Jesus. This doesn’t mean he had to be stiff and clueless to fun, but it’s important to be equally yoked.

      Someone who is a believer and has a full time “relationship” with God, will have a hard time concealing that for too long. Any general question about his life will likely reveal that he is not just an ordinary man.

      When I spoke to Ronnie for the first time, it was on the phone. He was in a store and someone he knew approached him. He apologized and asked if I could hold for a moment. I overheard his conversation with the man. “Hey man. What’s been going on? God bless you, man.” is what I heard.

      If I hadn’t already known that he is a pastor, how he addressed his friend in general conversation would have let me know that, on some level, he was a believer.

      Also, it shouldn’t be awkward to ask someone about their faith. If they are a true believer you would think that they would love to have that conversation. And if they don’t want to have a conversation like that, that’s a huge message in itself.

      If your still uncomfortable inquiring, you can talk about your interest in God and the role God has in your life and see how he responds. If he says nothing with his words, what message is his body language sending?

      I’ve had dates with on the fence believers thinking I could influence them to devote their whole lives to loving God and putting Him first. For me (I can only speak of my experience) it was a great disappointment and broke my heart.

      Hope this helps. I promise I really tried to make his short, but you know how we do. Lol

      Love ya Sis!

      • Yasmine
        February 13, 2014 at 11:22 am

        Candra I’m a little late on this but Thank You for this insightful and beautifully long response lol

        You brought up a couple of things I didn’t consider (starting with the first point!). I’m also going to start practicing something you mentioned which is true in my case. I have several academic (and professional) passions which include someday pursuing a doctorate in theology and sociology. That’s the whole truth (and nothing but!), and I feel like I shouldn’t be ashamed to admit this seeing as I’m an academic nerd! I think a guy’s reaction or response to my academic interest (esp. if I say “theology”) can provide a little clue as to what kind of believer (or non-believer) I may be dealing with.

        I’m so looking forward to the post you will be writing on this and thank you again for this blog!! You seriously rock!!

        Much love,
        Y.

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