Is He Too Shy

Have you ever wondered…is he too shy

Does he feel the same about me as I feel about him? Is he too shy to say so?

Even though I read Steve Harvey’s book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, I still wonder how the mind of a man works. I question my husband often about the man’s point of view on singleness and relationships. Even after a definitive response, I still on occasion am left scratching my head. (Smile)

I did my own unofficial survey and asked various men in my life this question…

If you had a serious interest in a woman would you ever be too shy to approach her?

So far the answer has been a resounding, no.

For all of our male readers, please feel free to chime in down below in the comments.

According to my husband (who tends to be reserved and shy at times), even a timid man will find a way to express his interest in a woman. It may not be easy for him, but he will find a way somehow.

I recently spoke at a single’s conference in St. Louis, and we had an amazing dialog about dating and courtship. I took the liberty of asking a gentleman there the same question.

Would you ever be too shy or intimidated to approach a woman you had a deep interest in? Although he would not mind if a woman approached him first to say hello, shyness would never hinder him from expressing his interest.

For me, this helps dispel the myth that sometimes us ladies have to help the men along when it comes to initiating relationships.

Before I met my husband, I became good friends with someone I thought could be a prospective “Boaz”. He was sincerely kind and supportive. It was not long before I was hoping that more would transpire.

We spoke on the phone several times a week, and I told myself that he’s probably too shy and unsure of how to ask me out. I made efforts to lead conversations toward dating, trying to give him every green light possible.

Abruptly, my “Is he too shy?” question was answered. He called me with exciting news to say that he asked someone out. I played it cool but was highly embarrassed. He probably sensed all along that I wanted him to express a deeper interest in me.

He was a shy person, but not when it came down to getting the woman he wanted.

After this I depended more on the Spirit of God for discernment instead of my personal feelings.

According to my husband if a man is interested, he will let you know and it will be more than just a smile or gesture. Because smiles and gestures can be misread, he will do “more” to get your attention.

He puts on his game face. He will look his best and act his best when he is around you. If you have had a first date, he will make it clear that he wants a second date.

Around our third date, my Ronnie arrived with a shiny clean slightly iced over car. You guessed it. He wanted to impress so he went to the car-wash on a cool autumn night. By the time he got off the highway and arrived at my apartment the water that didn’t dry, turned to ice. A slightly frozen car is better than a dirty one I suppose. (Smile)

That night neither one of us said a word about the ice glazed over his car, but the message was well understood. Now that we’re married, we laugh so hard about that night.

Should a woman put her life on hold and spend countless hours wondering, Is he too shy?

Boaz said to his young man, the one who was overseeing the harvesters, “To whom does this young woman belong?” (Ruth 2:5 CEB)

Ruth caught the attention of Boaz and found favor in his eyes. Boaz inquired of Ruth while she was working and performing the will of God. His love for Ruth moved him to be more generous to her than to others.

The man God has kept for you, will find you and will inquire. He may be reserved. He may be shy. But, he will find a way to reach your heart. Apparently it’s what men do. (Smile)

Do you agree? Disagree? Leave your thoughts down below.

All my love,

~Candra

Candra Evans Christian Singles Blog

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S.A.L.V.E. Singles Conference

Thank You S.A.L.V.E. Ministries Singles Conference 2014

S.A.L.V.E. Ministries Singles Conference

S.A.L.V.E. Ministries Staff

Greetings Beloved! Today I share with you my recent experience at the 2014 S.A.L.V.E. (Single and Living Victoriously Everyday) Singles Conference hosted by Central Baptist Church in St. Louis, Missouri.

They graciously offered me the opportunity to speak and share my singles testimony.

I am deeply humbled by the invitation because I know they had options.

The S.A.L.V.E. staff is committed and operates in the spirit of excellence. Their love and hospitality was overwhelming and extended to all in attendance.

As I sat in my hotel room last Friday night I was moved to tears. How did I get to this great place? Complete surrender is sweet when bowing down to God’s loving will. God continues to move and bless my life before I can ask.

Speaking of a blessed life…the theme for the singles conference was…

Living Life Like It’s Golden #InFaith

Let God grant what is in your heart and fulfill all your plans. (Psalm 20:4 CEB)

If you know my blog, you know my story. The Lord raised me from the valley of sorrow to golden sky. His strong hand delivered me from discontentment and fear ‘before’ I received a wedding ring. Nothing but a strong hand could have delivered me from my disappointment.

In spite of what the haters and doubters say, the Holy Ghost of God is more than able to lead us to “golden living”.

I am passionate about Singles Ministry and I love meeting with singles who are unashamed of their choice to please God first. At the S.A.L.V.E. Singles Conferenceconference I stood before superlative women and men who could have a wedding ring if they wanted one.

But they would rather have their desires fulfilled at God’s appointed time.

There is no way to beat God’s giving. Because of His infinite wisdom and undying love, God will always do better for us than we can do for ourselves. #OnlyBelieve

What is impossible for man is possible with God.

A life filled with joy, purpose, peace, security, purity and faith is possible for every single Spirit-filled man and woman. There is nothing in your life (past or present) that God can’t give you the victory over. God’s children are the head and not the tail. If we worship God with our obedience, we remain on top. Believe nothing contrary to this.

We discussed at the conference the benefits of the waiting season. It was a time for me to come to complete surrender and allow God to spiritually mature me. I didn’t know how impatient I was until I had to wait. I didn’t know how much I trusted in my flesh until I had to wait. In my waiting season God went to the root of all that was wrong and weeded from my heart everything that hindered my wholeness.

Being saved and single is nothing to be ashamed of. Embarrassment, fear, and doubt keep us from abundant living. Jesus came so that we might have life more abundantly. Our relationship status is not a key factor in that. Jesus is the key.

As God did for King David in battle, He will hear our voice in the days of trouble and at the appointed time, God will do what He said He will do.

I want to thank Senior Pastor, Reverend Dr. Robert C. Scott, for allowing me to speak at this conference and be a part of the celebration of life!

To Miss Madeline, Whitney, Reverend Reed, Cynthia, Michelle, Courtney, and the entire S.A.L.V.E Ministry….I sing David’s song for you…

I pray that the Lord answers you whenever you are in trouble. Let the name of Jacob’s God protect you. Let God send help to you from the sanctuary and support you from Zion. Let God recall your many grain offerings; let him savor your entirely burned offerings. Let God grant what is in your heart and fulfill all your plans. (Psalm 20:1-4)

Your Servant and Sister in Christ Jesus,

~Candra

Candra Evans Christian Single Blog

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Christian Single Woman going on a jungle zip line

10 Things To Do While Single

Christian Singles10 Things To Do While Single
by guest blogger, Nicole Miller

Most of my friends and I are cruising along in the single lane of life and have been for some time now.  All of our stories vary but we have this one thing in common: we never thought we would be single THIS long.

Maybe it was because we are all highly driven leaders in our own respective fields and thus are used to having a plan and executing it.  Whatever the reason, we have been surprised to find ourselves on the other side of 30 and no wedding band.  That has offered its own disappointments.  But one thing I’m really proud of us for, is the fact that we have LIVED and are LIVING our lives to the fullest.

So, just in case you feel “left behind” in the fast-paced world of milestones and societal expectations (fast-paced, because, well, waiting is SLOW) here are just a few items I encourage you to pursue that we have experienced that have made this season just a little more bearable, I mean sweeter :).

1. Complete an advanced degree. 

things to do while singleI finished my degree a couple of years ago while working full time.  It was an amazingly disciplined season of my life and also a walk of faith.  I pursued a field that was previously a huge area of weakness but I felt the Holy Spirit leading me on that path.  He was true to His word and I flourished academically.

Maybe you just need to complete your undergrad or even just a license/certificate.  Maybe you are not academic at all.  If that is the case I would encourage you in continuing to become learned however that looks for you.  Brains + Beauty = Double Threat.

Getting your schooling out of the way pre-marriage and kids is such a blessing.  Do it while you can.

2. Run a marathon!

Or a half marathon.  Or heck even a 5K :).  Just 2 weeks after I finished grad school I ran my first half marathon.  And maybe my last :).  I had been running for years and did several other races but this was by far my longest stretch.  It was a great experience.

I trained with one of my closest friends.  We were so dedicated that one night we ran 10 miles straight, ended at 10pm and went to work the next day.  That is a great benefit of being in your 20’s.  Your energy level is sky high :).

3. Accumulate assets! 

A while back I really wanted to purchase a home.  In hindsight I’m grateful that was not the route God had me take as I think I would have been in over my head.  Home ownership is a pretty big deal.  Instead, I ended up buying my first vehicle.  I tell you, there is nothing like not having a car note!  Also, I’m sure having a tangible asset can only make you even more of an asset to whoever you end up with :).

4. Pay off Debt! 

Now this is definitely a sore spot for me.  But I totally appreciate anyone who is able to accomplish this feat!  I’ve heard finances are a major reason for marital conflict.  Now is the time to get your stuff in order.  Those who are faithful over a little, can be faithful over much.

5. Travel!10 things to do while single

Earlier this year I was blessed to go on my first cruise.  Snorkeling, ATV’s, kayaking and lying on white sandy beaches filled my time. There is nothing like seeing the world to broaden your own horizon and outlook on life.

Who can feel “lonely” when taking in God’s beauty painted over landscapes of deep blue oceans? My traveling companion and I also made a really good friend who is from Italy on the cruise. We plan on visiting her in her home country next year.

6. Volunteer.

It was on my heart to do some service work in my community last year. I assisted a local organization with Christmas gift wrapping for local families. That was a great experience as the holidays are usually a downer for me. What better way to take your mind off yourself and help someone less fortunate? I also did some tutoring with this organization and helped an adult improve her reading skills.

7. Write a book.

Or paint a picture. Or whatever other creative project you’ve been putting on a shelf, yet are itching to complete. I am in the midst of getting my manuscript published. This was a total God idea as I never saw myself as an author. Yet here I am swimming in the seas of blogging and positioned to dive into authorship. Writing has been such a great therapeutic outlet for me and God has used it even to unfold His will for my life and give me PEACE. Maybe He will do the same for you?

8. Take a missionary trip.

I myself have only done a service project once but several of my friends have been on missionary trips. One friend was so taken by her experience overseas that she is now a full time missionary. Even if you are unable to get away, maybe you can donate to someone else’s trip and support their cause.

9. Zip-lining!

Christian Single Woman going on a jungle zip line Or Rock climbing! Or anything else that takes you out of your comfort zone!

Last summer my girls and I went zip-lining for the first time and man was it a wild experience! As we climbed our way to the top of the course, we made comments about how fun it would be to zip line with a wedding party. Well, by the time we actually performed this crazy feat, we were taking back those statements! I may or may not do zip lining again but I can at least check it off my bucket list. And I’m glad to have that shared experience with the ones who have stood by me for so long.

10. Adopt a healthy lifestyle!

I have had my share of work out classes. Ranging from boxing to zumba to weight lifting to kickboxing. I like to be active and stay in shape. Exercising is a great way to lift anyone’s mood who may be feeling a little “blah”.

In addition to working out, I have been practicing a “clean eating” lifestyle for almost 2 years now. As a result I’ve lost 25 lbs and dropped 2 pants sizes. I’m sure I’ve bypassed a lot of illnesses and diseases that I was susceptible to simply b/c of my ethnicity and family history. Another benefit of taking care of your body is, you can increase the potential for attracting that special someone :).

These are just a few of the ways I can see God has kept my friends and I busy as we continue on this path that looks so different then what we planned.

These accomplishments and experiences were not completed in any type of attempt to “do works” for God’s kingdom or “get us closer to the alter”.
They were just birthed out of His plan for our lives.

I hope you will see the good things He has in store for you in THIS season. I hope that every desire He has for you will be fulfilled in His timing.

 

purpose in waiting

Guest Blogger Nicole Miller

~ Author and Blogger, Nicole Miller

Visit Nicole’s blog … His Love is Better Than Wine
and stay tuned for the release of her book How to Overcome Heartbreak.

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Marriage Is Not About Happiness But A Ministry

Marriage Is Not About Happiness But A Ministry
by Single Sisters in University

Why do we want to get married? Why do we look forward to living with the man of our dreams?

As women, we’re drawn to those romantic movie scenes where a couple is all happy and cozy, and thus we covet a similar relationship in real life. We want the hugs, kisses, sweet words, protection, and support that come with having a husband. We want to be happy!

But does marriage really make one happy? If that were the case, then why has the divorce rate risen over the years? Why do we see some married people feeling lonely? Why do some men/women murder their spouse? And the worst part is why does the marriage bond become mundane along the years? Are we doing anything wrong?

I recently watched a sermon by pastor Francis Chan titled “Christ-Centered Relationships, part 3″ and what he shared revolutionized my thoughts on marriage.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:31-32

marriage is not by single sisters in university

image: Single Sisters in University

Throughout the Bible, many references of marriage are used to describe the union of Christ and the church: Ephesians 5:25, Ezekiel 16:8, Matthew 25:1, Jeremiah 2:2, and etc. That’s why in the above passage of Ephesians 5:31-32, the apostle Paul states that marriage is not just about a man and a woman coming together, but it’s the illustration of Christ and the church.

As born-again Christians, we are called to be ambassadors of Christ to the world and what better way to do so than through the ministry of marriage. When godly husbands begin to love their wives as Christ loves the church and when godly wives begin to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ, we minister the love of Christ to a lost and dying world. This, as a result, will attract the world to know more about the source of this solid marriage which is Jesus (Matthew 5:16).

How a couple nurtures their relationship will affect their children and surroundings. I myself have at times been disgusted by marriage by witnessing different couples devour each other like sworn enemies, while at other times been attracted to marriage by couples who respected and scarificed for each other. That’s the reason why we should never take marriage lightly because it’s the ministry that God has given to those who are called in order to reflect Christ to the world.

Consequently, when both spouses understand this profound mystery and they begin to serve and put God first in their relationship, the products are love for each other, happiness, salvation of the lost, and etc.

The reason why so many marriages have failed, become mundane or bitter is because either one or both spouses considered marriage as the source of their happiness. When your spouse becomes your reason for life, you therefore begin to suck happiness from him or her; reality is that they will never measure up because only God is supposed to be your life and bliss.

Do we want to enjoy our marriage when the time comes?

Do we want to have a blessed union?

Then our future husbands and us should consider marriage as a ministry to reach out to the world instead of a source of happiness. The Bible doesn’t lie when it says: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).

When spouses together in unity seek first to advance the Kingdom of God, the Lord will then provide for the rest: Enjoyment, love, happiness, and all that we desire of marriage.

~Contributed by Single Sisters in University

single season

The Single Season: A Purpose Filled Journey

single seasonThere is a percentage of the population of Christian single women who choose to embark upon a single’s journey.  I, however, frequently made it known that I was an involuntary participant of the single season.

For many of us, we pray and ask God for an understanding as to why our lives have taken this path. “What is this single season all about?” I would ask. “I did not sign up for this.”

But because we know that God is just in all of His ways we conclude that there must be a purpose. There must be one or several reasons for this. What is it that I should gain? Honestly the only thing I hoped to gain from being single was getting married. Oh, how in the dark I was. (Smile) I mean really… what a waste it would have been to journey for so long and not gain the greatest extent of what God had for me.

When walking in God’s plan, I soon found that there was much for me to gain. The greatest gifts for me were spiritual and emotional deliverance.

My single season was hard sometimes but it brought to light character flaws that needed correcting and brokenness that needed healing. It exposed my true self.

The call to “wait on God” exposed my insecurities and apprehensiveness about my future. I was lacking in patience and longsuffering. I thought I had great faith, but my single season exposed the limitations I put on myself as a woman of God.

I was very unwise in thinking that marriage would fix all of that.

In my reality, marrying at the age of twenty-five or even thirty would have only put a mask on the deficiencies in my heart. Marriage seemed like the easy way to security and contentment, but in the end my mask would have been uncovered again.

I did not want to bear the pain of loneliness or face the judgment of people. I did not want to be the third wheel surrounded by married friends or spend another Valentine’s night in my bed alone. Why did I need the frustrating tug-of-war battle between contentment and unhappiness? Just like the clay on the potter’s wheel, we are daily being made by our Creator.

God is ever molding us, beautifying us, and growing us into great masterpieces. Sometimes it takes a season of waiting to find out what we are really made of. Are we made of good stuff… joy, contentment, long-suffering, goodness, patience? Or is there still yet some tweaking to be done in our hearts.

In pain we find purpose and in waiting we find truth.

I would rather endure the sculpting of the potter’s wheel and be healed within, than to get married and remain broken, incomplete, and undone. No, I did not choose this single’s journey, but I trusted God enough to take His hand. He led me to greener pastures and still waters.

God broke many chains on my journey. Without the journey, I do not know where I would be today. I shudder at the thought. And when this journey is complete, there will be more to come. Hallelujah. If I had to do it all over again, I would walk the same path… except I would strut more in the joy of God’s healing of my heart and soul. ;)

I hope for you… Love, Grace, and Purpose in Waiting

~Candra

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