There are some holidays that are difficult to bear when one is still unmarried. For those without children, Mother’s Day can be a difficult day to get through.

For many years I sat in my seat at church on those Sunday mornings…a little sad and somewhat ashamed that at my age, I still was not a mother. Some years they ask all the mothers to stand and give them beautiful flowers.  Humbly, I remained in my seat with the young girls and the men. There was another one or two like me, but I don’t believe any of us found this comforting.

It is rare these days to find women in their thirties who have not experienced the blessing of having a baby, yet there is a group out there who knows all too well the ticking of the biological clock.  The hands on the biological clock is moving forward and all the world is telling you that you must hurry before it is too late.  Fortunately I found a way to have faith greater than the clock and learned how to put God’s promises before the opinions of human kind.

Praise be to God that in these days science has made it possible for older women to have successful pregnancies. Women in their forties are having healthy children. And if you are like me you are learning how to enjoy waiting on God anyway so it is all good. 

If you can relate to me, pushing forty, and still longing for a child, I sincerely pray that you find comfort and assurance in God this weekend. I plan to enjoy the day with my mother and women in my life who are like mothers to me and give God the praise for all He has done. In God’s perfect time and will all things are possible. I remember Sarah and Isaac today, and know that nothing is too hard for God.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the beautiful single mothers in the world.  May God bless you and prosper you this Mother’s Day and forever.

Love always,

Candra

1.  “You have the gift of time.”

In the beginning of my single life I thought I had too much time.  After all, what was time without a man to spend it with?  That attitude caused me to waste time wallowing in pity because I was not married in my early twenties as I had planned.  Yet when God opened my heart to a world outside the realm of marriage, time became my friend.  My days were full of travel, meeting new people, pursuing my passions, and helping others.  When you are single you have time and occasion to do what pleases God and blesses your soul.  Do not take it for granted.

2.  “It does not define your worth.”

Being a Christian single defines your relationship status.  It says to the world that you are a Christian who is not currently married.  We tend to take the status of being single much deeper than it needs to go.  It does not say to the world that you are less, incomplete, lacking, or beneath.  Because of God’s love, a Holy Spirit filled believer in Christ is of the royal priesthood, above, the head, favored, blessed in the city, and blessed in the field. 

3. “We learn how to wait.”

Have you ever met someone that always got whatever they wanted when they wanted it?  In general we classify them as spoiled.  At some point in history someone attached “rotten” to that label.  There was a reason for it.  If we always get what we want when we want, how can we ever learn gratefulness?  Waiting builds strong character in a person.  The art of patience, long-suffering, endurance, and faith is mastered and made applicable in other areas of life.  I have seen spoiled adults cry, scream, throw fits and give up because things did not go their way.  And yes, I said adults.  They are miserable and have no peace.  Who can live like that?  Praise God for learning how to wait and walk in the peace of God.

4. “God has plans for you.”

If you are an unmarried man or woman and walking in God’s plan, you are being set up for abundant blessings.  My I quote Jeremiah 29:11 here?  “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Whether you have never been married or find yourself single again, it is part of God’s plan.  It is an aspect of the plan that will add even greater blessings to your life.

5. “You get to prepare before marriage.”

When I was in high school, there was nothing much worse than a surprise test.  Some students refuse to take the time to be ready.  They feel somewhat confident at first.  Maybe they get through the first question okay, but then grumbling and beads of sweat manifest.  The peril of unpreparedness sets in when they arrive at a problem they cannot work out.  They do not remember reading this chapter of the book.  They skip this problem and find the next five are worse.  It is all downhill from here as the student rolls down into failure.  Living single means that you have opportunity to prepare for marriage before marriage.  Many couples rush into marriage just for the sake of money, sex, or not being lonely anymore.  However, God is giving opportunity to prepare for marital matters that will arise.  What does it really mean to be married?  Study now and reap the benefits of your preparedness later.

The single life can be a blessed life.  Enjoy. 

All my love,

Candra

Love and Grace book of the week…Revelations of a Single Woman: Loving the Life I Didn’t Expect by Connally Gilliam

Revelations of a Single Woman: Loving the Life I Didn’t Expect

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It was early in the morning yet it felt like it was going to be just one of those days. I don’t feel exceptionally well, work has been… different, and so on, and so on.

Seeking to change my attitude and show my gratitude, I sang praises to God while driving to work. I am the worst singer EVER, but thankfully God doesn’t mind. In fact when I send up a praise, He returns to me a blessing.

I came in the office and needed to print a report. Instead of sending the print job to the printer in my office, I sent it to the main copier shared by the first floor. It is an odd thing to do, I know. Sometimes I like change and so I do little things like this to escape ruts. But I digress.

I walked down to the copy room to pick up my report and there was a sheet of paper on top of the copier. The print was very small and it appeared to be some type of clip art with words printed within the picture. Someone printed it the day before and did not pick it up before leaving.

The words captured me.

“When you feel like giving up, rememberwhy you have held on so long in the first place.”

On a day like today, this message was profound.

I do not know where this originated from, which of my co-workers printed this or why they had not come to retrieve it. But it was God’s will that those words lay visible where I would see them.  He knew, as the original author penned this message, that I would need these words today.

This is why I hold on to trusting in Jesus for everything. He never fails and I will always remember that.

Amen and Hallelujah…

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In those times when we feel we are in a bit of a slump, God will send help from somewhere.  For this Kentucky native, God sent inspiration and friendship all the way from Alabama and Canada.  You all know who you are.   So as long as I have God’s blessing, ability, and a medium to reach the masses, I pray to pass on the support that was given to me when I was single and struggling. 

In this post I wanted to publish my latest video blog.  Again, I receive fantastic feedback from readers.  I also receive really great questions.  In this video I address a question and concern that I see over and over again.  A heavy issue for singles who have been waiting on God for longer than expected, is the aspect of “waiting”.  This is especially difficult when we see others getting married who did not necessarily do it God’s way and they appear to be happy.  Another question I have seen often on several singles blogs is, “What do we do while waiting?”.

This video is only about ten minutes long, and these issues are very complex.  Therefore, I only touch on a few points and Lord willing, I will write more posts centered around these topics in the near future.

God bless you all and please keep the comments and questions coming. For others that would like to answer these concerns leave a comment below or visit our new Christian Singles Forum.

Go deeper in God’s Love and Grace,   …Candra Evans 

It all began with a single conversation. Just two girls talking about the unwanted absence of Mr. Right. It was one of those typical conversations where the one girl laments to the other girl that she’s tired of waiting. This forced the other girl to wonder, “What does it actually mean to wait?”

So I (who have, until this moment, been referring to myself in third person) went home and looked it up, thinking there was something we single women were missing, knowing there must be more to the waiting dilemma. Well, Google both did and did not answer my question. What it did not tell me was a great definition for the word “wait.” Quite the contrary, actually.  It seems that waiting, by definition, is just as discouraging as my friend expressed it to be.

As I sat staring at my computer screen, I thought of all the people and teachings and books that encouraged me to wait for Prince Charming. And that’s when I got mad. So mad that my mind churned up an argument that would have made Sally Brown from Peanuts proud. “I’ve been gypped! I’ve been lied to! I’ve wasted valuable years of my young life waiting! I’ll never get those years back! Someone will pay for this! Justice, I say! I demand justice!”

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t quite that bad, but something began stirring in my heart that day, and that something grabbed hold and took root. Before I knew it, that something was growing and flourishing and becoming so much more than a feeling. A full-fledged movement began taking place within me. A movement to spur me to go beyond waiting…

When I read the definitions of the word “wait,” I instantly knew that I would never again be content to merely wait for Prince Charming to come and sweep me off my feet. But what I didn’t know was that my heart was about to go spiraling into a fairytale-like journey in which I would discover a greater purpose in singleness than I’d ever known. What I didn’t realize was that I was about to be invited to pursue my dreams with passion and to walk in a freedom unlike any I’d ever experienced. 

What I want more than anything is to see you live your life with the same sense of freedom I’m enjoying right now. I’m dying to watch you grasp the purpose of your single years – to understand how God is preparing you to be used for His glory. How He is using you for His glory right now. I want you to realize that singleness is not a curse, not a disease, and not something undesirable. I yearn to show you that you’ve been duped into looking at the fairytale backwards and upside-down – that you’re missing a vital part of your story if the only thing you walk away with is “happily ever after.”

But there’s only so much I can tell you in a blog post. Which is why I wrote the book. Yes, the book. The one I was so reluctant to write. The same book that, ironically, flowed pretty effortlessly from my fingertips when I finally surrendered to the call of God on my life. The book that stemmed from my desire to live (and help others live) a life beyond waiting.

Because there are so many secrets I want to share with you—so many truths I want you to realize about yourself—I invite you to find a copy of Beyond Waiting and journey with me. As we explore the seven definitions of the word “wait,” I hope your eyes will be opened to see yourself and singleness in a new and vibrant way. It is my prayer that you will adjust your perspective, look beyond the focus of marriage, and embrace the wonder of living a full and exciting life beginning today.

After all, YOU, my friend, were meant for so much more than merely waiting…

Rebekah Snyder is a soon-to-be published writer, dreamer, and lover of fairytales who is passionate about embracing every step of the journey. Her first book—Beyond Waiting—debuts on May 3, 2012. You can learn more about Rebekah and her book at www.beyondwaiting.com or by following her on facebook. (www.facebook.com/rebekahsnyderwrites)

Old View

SINGLE christian

New View

single CHRISTIAN 

The value of who we are as Christians greatly outweighs our relationship status. Our whole identity should not be defined by the issues of this world. I lived for many years as a single Christian woman and a short time as a married Christian woman, and some things have not changed. I am still a Christian and I still need God in my life. We have the promise to inherit the kingdom of God, and to have access to our Heavenly Father.

For through him we both have access by one Spirit unto the Father. Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God; And are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone; -Ephesians 2:18-20 (KJV)

The place that we hold as Christians must dismiss the stereotypical mindset of the SINGLE christian.  The dark fears of being alone, the pressure of falling into sexual sins, or the anxiety of waiting, must be dispelled by the light of our true identity. We have access to the great “I Am”, the Heavenly Father. We have access to the comforter, the Holy Ghost. We have access to righteousness by the blood of Jesus. 

We were once strangers and without hope. During my single CHRISTIAN days I had to remember how God blessed me and and gave His life for me. There is no greater love. I was determined not to let my single life overshadow my CHRISTIAN life. 

I gain more from being a CHRISTIAN than I do from anything else. 

It is wrong to complain about the years I was unmarried. There are many singles that do not have a relationship with God. When they marry, they find that the love of their spouse is not enough to deal with all the issues of life. But we know as Christians the fulfilling love and unspeakable joy that links with communion with God. Everything of this world will pass away, including wealth, fame, and yes, even marriage. 

Hold on to the most precious treasure you will ever have. Be proud of being a single CHRISTIAN. Never hold your head down in shame, but be proud that you are all God desires for you to be. Our identity is multifaceted. You are blessed, you are the apple of God’s eye, you are chosen, you are a royal priesthood, you are victorious, you are overcomers, and so much more is the amazing makeup of who you are. 

Do not let your “single” life darken the light of your “CHRISTIAN” life. 

Your fellow heir in Christ,

Candra

Sometimes we are not aware of fragments of unforgiveness that resonate in our hearts. It lies dormant when all is well or we become too preoccupied with other things. Then suddenly the sound of someone’s name triggers tremors in our soul. Unsure of the stirring in our hearts, we question. What is this weight I feel? I thought I moved on from that?

My method of forgiving someone used to equate to offering a kind smile and a promise to never bring up the offense again. However, just because I never spoke of the offense didn’t mean that I was healed from it. Sweeping the offense under the rug was fruitless. Ignoring the particulars of the event only postponed my breakthrough. My blood would boil over and over again. Until I could fully come to terms with it, a part of me would remain stuck in the past and unable to progress forward. I learned that I could not forgive unless I do it God’s way. Determined to not carry forward bitterness and anxiety, I asked God to help me.

It is likely that if you are visiting this blog for Christian singles, you are unmarried. It is less likely, however, that you have not been in some type of relationship before. Conceivably you were married before, or came close to it. The relationship ended and perhaps all the reasons why still boils your blood. Yes, we profess to be saved and Holy Ghost filled but the cut of being hurt by someone we love takes more than a night to heal.

No matter what the fault or the source of that fault, it is God’s will that we forgive.

I can think of no greater offense than the sins of mankind. And in return, God came to earth manifest in the flesh. He forgave, He suffered, He died, and He rose again. The rule of “an eye for an eye” was not applied. He did not give us what we deserved, but gave us what we needed. If you were able to supply the need of someone who unspeakably hurt you, would you? To answer “yes” is the key to true forgiveness and the beginning of healing.

No more tremors. No more bondage. No more boiled blood.

Matthew 18 (AMP)

³²Then his master called him and said to him, You contemptible and wicked attendant! I forgave and cancelled all that [great] debt of yours because you begged me to.

³³And should you not have had pity and mercy on your fellow attendant, as I had pity and mercy on you?

³⁴And in wrath his master turned him over to the torturers (the jailers), till he should pay all that he owed.

³⁵So also My heavenly Father will deal with every one of you if you do not freely forgive your brother from your heart his offenses.

Please feel free to comment and share your views on this post.

Blessings!